“You can teach a narcissist to be on time, but you cannot train him to listen once he arrives.” Dr. Ramani Durvasula
According to Mayo Clinic, the narcissistic personality “is a mental disorder in which people have 1) an exacerbated sense of their own importance, 2) a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, 3) conflictive relationships and 4) a lack of empathy for others. ”
How do we recognize a narcissist?
They are always worried about being given their place.
They have a constant need for admiration and are therefore vulnerable to flattery.
They greatly exaggerate their achievements and downplay their failures or blame them on others.
Overestimate the impact on the people they recognize.
They talk a lot and listen a little (or not at all).
Expect unquestionable loyalty from their teams, although they never encouraged it.
They are convinced that people envy them.
Now the question is, is it possible that you are the one with this virus?
If your honest answer to each of these questions is yes, it would be a good idea that you honestly evaluate yourself:
- Do you need the constant admiration of others?
- Is it extremely difficult for you to receive constructive criticism even if it comes from someone you trust a(assuming you trust some)?
- Do you feel threatened by those people who seem more talented than you?
- Does the very idea of seeking help from a therapist, coach, or pastor terrify you?
- Is it hard for you to laugh at yourself?
What to do when your boss suffers from a narcissistic disorder?
Let’s be realistic:
He believes he is superior to everyone and will want to prove it.
If you have potential, he will try to limit you and to minimize your interaction with his superiors.
He will flatter you in private but will not speak well of you to others.
When something does not go well, he will look for somebody to blame (and that may include you).
Under pressure, he can try to bend the rules. Never give in to that.
Do not tell her about your personal issues, she does not care. Avoid making yourself vulnerable because “everything you say can be used against you.”
Do not confront them publicly. Wait for the right moment and do it privately.
Keep your work up to date in everything that has an impact on his image.
Ask yourself: what can this experience do for me? What areas of my character (that are being activated) can help me for future responsibilities?
Finally: tolerating everything will not improve your relationship with your narcissistic boss, it will in fact make it worse. Do not fall into that trap.
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